Category: Uncategorized
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Ghost Reader
I used to think it was you Who read these As a way to keep track of me Without telling me you did And it always made me a little happy That you cared Even if in secret You were never good at it in person And it always made me a little cautious Not…
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Persistence
The skin on my right palm bubbles. Tiny clear circles form And pop Only I look at them Maybe others can’t see them Like they can’t see the pain The constant itch I cover them The same way I cover the pain Clumsy and over doing it Maybe its just to give myself something to…
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The Long Silence
The silence stretches Lingers Pulls its self out over time I don’t feel the need to fill it Basking in the warm glow That is the stillness Where words were once necessary To numb the pain Chaos touching every moment Now Peace
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Always and Never
It’s always, “you make me wish I could disappear” And never, “I’d die happy just for a chance to sit in silence with you.” Always, “You don’t love me enough to stay, but you only leave me when it’s late.” Never, ” If you asked me to, I’d kneel and bleed, just to know your…
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Empty Pillow. Dry Eyes
Here alone Blood Sport blaring Your side of the bed smells like you But it’s not your side Is it? Just an empty side That you occupied for a minute And I don’t even want you here And the tears don’t come And the pain The pain just laughs at me I knew all along…
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We are not on a beach, and it’s not Christmas
I used to sift through the sand of your words As they buried me in this hour glass I would try to untangle them As if they were old Christmas lights Searching for a grain of hope A flicker of light But time is running out And too many bulbs are broken
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Listen a Little Longer
Listen heart, I know it’s a lot, but sometimes everything happens all at once Just hold it in for a little longerListen head, I know you are trying to make sense of it all, but sometimes things just can’t be sortedJust hold space for a little longerListen eyes, I know you are overwhelmed, but sometimes…
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1000s Miles Away
You sit in a room I cannot reachwrapped in silencewrapped in timeas the world outside moves without youI imagine you staring at the wallsat the ghosts of yesterdayat the empty chair where no one comes to sitI am herebut not nearA thousand miles stretch between usa thousand things unsaida thousand moments lost to the hands…
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The Space Between Us
You lie there fadingA breath at a timethe weight of years settling like dust in the corners.We were never easynever soft words and gentle handsalways shadows stretching between what was said and what was meant.I want to forgivebut forgiveness feels like a language I was never taughtI want to ragebut anger wilts in the face…
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Flowers
I fill my home with dried flowers, their faded blooms a reminder that while outward beauty withers, the essence within endures forever. Just kidding, I am not that deep. I do it because no one is buying me fresh ones. And even if they did, it’d probably be to make up for something they said, …
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Disappointment
I have gotten used to disappointing people Doing disappointing things It is, after all, their very nature But I don’t think I’ll ever get used to When good people do disappointing things It is a hard life to live To believe people are good Only to be constantly reminded That people are only good At…
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Whispers
I think she tried to scare me when she said More time with the wrong person is just less time with the right person But that’s not what scares me There not being a right person is the fear that whispers in my ear at night
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Slow Burn
I didn’t notice it at first The small burn on my arm From building the fire That kept us both warm It didn’t hurt at first But over time it swelled It got infected Hurting at the slightest movement And I have learned As I bandage my crippled arm That I should have been more…
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You/Him
You Passed out on a sheetless dirty mattress on the floor Leftovers in various states of rot all around you A restless sleep full of nightmares and cold sweats Waking ever couple of hours to turn the laptop back on Because you can’t handle silence, or being alone Him Laying in a bed, made up…
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Comedy of Errors
I won’t beg you Or try to convince you Won’t try to make you realize All you ever wanted could be yours If you just reached out And claimed it I know you’re scared You don’t want to get hurt again But this isn’t a romantic comedy Where the girl teaches the commitment phobe it’s…
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Keep Waiting
You can wait by that river Until you are bones It won’t make a difference I won’t hear your drowns Maybe the rain Will make that river spill Over it banks I won’t hear you still As it carries you away And out of my life Maybe then I’ll get peace Be done with this…
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Tears
I always have to rub my eyes after crying As if I am allergic to my own tears Puffy red itchy eyes Betray the evidence of my vulnerability I have never been good with emotions Even my body has a reaction to them Leaking their poisonous trail down my cheeks A blood letting in a…
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Only Time Will Tell
I want so bad for this to be it The end of the searching The longing I want so bad for it to be you The right person My person I want so bad to have the answers To just know Finality I want so bad for this time to be different For me to…
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It’s Hard To Explain
How the comfort and safety of your arms makes me feel so small. Or how perfectly I fit into your body like a puzzle piece. The fact that your scent follows me home and your touch lingers on my skin. And how the ease of your laughter shines through your eyes.
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Contradictory Life
I wear all blackBut am covered in colorful flowers I listen to angery music While I read beautiful poems of loveI love the moon and stars But am scared of outdoors at nightI like giving compliments And hate getting them And I miss my old lifeBut never want it back
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Good Morning
The mornings chill reminds me That I am hear aloneThe hollow trill of the alarm Ripping me from my dreams Of being curled up next to youIntertwined in your arms Lulled to safety by the steady rhythm Of your heart, and soft breathingThose mornings are my favorite The only time I would consider myself A…
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Always a Giver
I have given my bodyMore then I have been given flowers I have given my timeMore then I have been thought about I have given my heartMore then it has been cared for Each of these little giveawaysHave left me empty, broken, hollow So I board myself upWhile I learn to be enough for myself…
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Play Pretend
I dont think I ever really loved youI just hated myselfAnd loved the person I was in your eyes. I dont think you ever really loved me eitherYou just hated yourself And loved the way I made you feel Together we pretended But I learned to love myselfAnd you never didSo now you hate meAs…
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Man of Clay
Made of the dust of the earth into an image he pretends to know He’s a chameleon, changing his colors to look like others around him Always hiding the scared child that he was never allowed to be The scarred child beaten by what love was supposed to be But those bruises are no more…
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Death on a Tuesday
Tuesdays have never been good for us It’s mountain tops And cold valleys First chats, second dates, and third mornings It’s hard conversations And goodbye kisses This day is no different, unfortunately It’s yet another ending And another death, on a Tuesday
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Not Forever, But For Now
I can feel him pulling awayCalls get shorter and shorter Doesn’t make excuses not to see meCause I don’t even ask anymore But I am not sad about itIt’s not what keeps me up at nightNot what messes with my headCause you still are Maybe you will always beBut I can’t let you goCan’t really…
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House on the Cliff
On a lonely stretch of beach, high on a cliff face, where the breeze blows a little too cold, and the sun sets before the color in the sky have time to touch the earth, stands a single home. Much like the cliff itself, the home stands abandoned, cold to the world. It is said…
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The Ocean at Night
I am pulled under by your current Tidal waves of euphoria crash over meI am helpless as my mind swirlsMy body overtaken by your powerI gave in to the rush of feelingsLet my body be swept awayI drowned in the ocean of you Before you breathe life back into me Only to be carried away…
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Waters
I once thought I knew how to swim.But these waters are different.Colder.Though the surface is calm and inviting. The undercurrent is swift and comes out of nowhere. But the water calls to me.I can not leave its embrace.
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Casualty
I hate the look of pain in your eyes And knowing why it’s there A casualty to my safety I will never be able to explain You deserved better Do deserve better I hope you find it
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Almost Perfect
I look over the list Penned so long ago Every item Every wish Every hope Checked off But one Arguably the most important one It’s amazing how one can be so close Yet so very very far
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Pretty Good
I don’t know what this is But so far I would say It’s pretty good Keeping me up at night Thinking about your hands As they glide expertly over my skin Of hungry kisses And eyes that hint sadness Of hands in hair And belly laughs I don’t know where this is going But for…
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Broken
I’ll never forgive you for how you broke me For the way I push away kindness because I can’t trust it Can’t trust myself For the way I question myself and over analyze I poured so much of myself into you but it was never enough I could never be enough And now I question…
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Is it me?
You scare the shit out of me Don’t know whether to face my fears Or disappear Are those your red flags Or my own Am I repeating patterns Or being brave This would be a lot easier If my brain wasn’t involved
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Unfair
You’re fucking confusing You don’t want me But need me I’m not yours But you won’t let me go You play with my wants and needs To satisfy yourself Just like always It’s unfair It’s fucking cruel
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We’ll See
Maybe it was the way you looked at me as I climbed in your car for the first time Or maybe it was the mutual trauma dumbing over that first drink at that same bar It could have been the face you gave me when I confessed to being a cheap drunk then ordered a…
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When Healing Hurts
Just healed enough to recognize That I am drawn to the people who I know will hurt me Who are mean to me Who dont want me back Forever chasing what is bad for me While I push away kindness, gentleness Reject affection Because it makes me uncomfortable Just healed enough to see it But…
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One last time
I am done sweeping up the shattered pieces of my heart off of the floor. I won’t try to sew them back together anymore. The edges are too frayed anyway. I will send them to the fire, and sprinkle them in the ocean. At least that way, my heart can feel at home one last…
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Broken Heart Champion
I collect sad poetry books Like they are trophies Displayed on shelves and tables For all the world to see Most people will never look close enough To see them for what they are The pain they contain Hidden behind pretty covers
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I know
I have to admit I was pretty surprised I don’t know how you did it But I know you did And soon everyone else will know too
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…I want to tell you
You’ll never guess what I got in the mail today. You’d never have guessed, I mean. I even picked up my phone to tell you about it. How long will it take to stop that? When I come across something I would have shared with you When will the automatic thought of “….. will love…
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Goodnight
When you said “goodnight” I wish you had just said “goodbye” And when you said “I’ll talk to you tomorrow “ I wish that wasn’t the first time you lied
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Hope
As I lie on the floor A smile begins to crack The muscles in my checks ache As if doing some long forgotten movement It washes over my face And I feel it spark my eyes The warmth flows over my body Filling my chest with air Arching my back Curling my toes What made…
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Crying In My Car
It’s funny I didn’t cry after the last one Like, at all, ever The one before that I only could When full of rage But never out of sorrow But this This has taken me down In a way I didn’t see coming It’s always the ones You didn’t guard yourself against Who do the…
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You’re So Mean Lately
It must be the full moon That’s making me speak the truth It must be the hormones That make me match your energy It must be missing you That made me stop trying
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Body of Art
The voice in my head Speaks to me in poetry Composing lines Pouring out my feelings Only to be forgotten I see out of a lens As if holding a camera Focused in on what I want Cropping out the bad Like it never happened I cover my body in black To look like the…
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I’ll Always Be Fine
Are you ok? You ask I’m fine I lie The same lie That has been following me Like a ghost Since I was a kid The same lie I told myself The lie I promised To stop telling But it rolls off my tongue As easy as saying my own name
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Bloom Where You Are Planted
You say But you shoved me in this harsh ground Cold and alone I begged you for water For sunshine But you turned your back on me I can see blooms in the distant sun Flourishing as they are cared for Delicate and lovely But I am no flower I am a Lady Of The…
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Reminder Of You
I never think of you Except for when I have to plunge a toilet That always reminds me Of you
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Even Beautiful Things Can Hurt Us
It’s the passion that I miss The fire I was so lost in it that I didn’t notice When the flame went from warming me To burning It’s so cold without it though My heart so frozen over now
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It’s not much of a contest
And when he said “I’d rather be here for you then anywhere in the world for me…” I lost it Meanwhile Your silence is so loud in my head He competes for my heart While you hold it idly Making no claim of it But unwilling to set it free
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More of the same
Nothing new under the sun I once called him that Now I know he was hell itselfs fire Nothings really changed At one time my forever Now something I don’t think I ever understood Nothing ever moves forward A race I have been running With no finish line in sight I don’t want what I…
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Stolen Kisses
You were once my home Now I just rent a room At a cost I can’t afford A small part of my heart a month Stolen kisses to pay the fee
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All This
I offer this to you My time My attention My affection But that’s not all If you act as you have You’ll also get My mind My body My soul All for the low low price Of late night spiraling Manic episodes And a bit of your sanity A deal really To deal with me
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Ghost
I thought I saw you today Out of the corner of my eye I wanted to call out to you Like I do in my dreams But it wasn’t you It will never be you again The memories haunt me Your music plays in my head Like a song from long ago Who’s tune I…
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Grief
I don’t understand grief Everytime I think I have moved past it It comes back to wash me over in its darkness Pulling me back into the waves of emptiness I want to be forgiven I want to be forgotten I want to be whole But grief is not a hill to climb A race…
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Move On
I don’t want to hear it Talking in circles Saying the same thing And nothing It’s enough More than enough Find someone else To preach your lies to You are a bad memory A scar Not a wound worth opening I am growing Changing Evolving I have shed you Like old dead skin
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I’m Sorry
I should have known better Done better Been better I should have protected you Cherished you Nurtured you But I didn’t I was selfish I was scared
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First time for everything
I was mad at you today For a moment Instead of shutting down I let you know You didn’t know how big of a deal that was In itself But you explained yourself I didn’t need to hold it against you And we moved on We can always move on The longer you are here…
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These Years
These years have broken me I once lived and loved hard Not afraid to love what I might lose But these years of slow death have eaten away at my soul Boxed up treasures remind me of how easy life can turn over Boxed up feelings remind me of how hard it can be to…
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The Well
I wondered the dry landscape alone. Unsure of where I am going, determined to never go back. In the distance, a well. A mirage? Too good to be true, I tell myself. Despite the alarms in my head I push forward. It’s smooth stone cool to the touch. The fragrance of clean, life giving water…
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Unfamiliar Waters
I wake up wrapped in the warmth of my insecurity blanket. The weight of it holds me to the ground. I can’t breathe you in. The chorus of angels whisper in my ear, all the same I will never be what you want me to be I’ll never be enough Still you are here with…
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All Things Made New
New home A place of my own A fresh start New job A new adventure A life changer New car A forever gift A manual New companion A person to tell about my day A maybe love
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I Hate It
You get too close and I’ll push you away Keep you as a best friend But tell myself I don’t feel anything To scared to be real with you And with myself I won’t let myself be hurt again But I hurt myself in the process You play along Give me space Hold me close…
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Say it again
I like it when you say my name It pulls me back to earth Grounds me after floating in the sea of doubt It reminds me of who I am Never washed in cuties names Or claimed with possessive titles I am not who I am to you I am not what I can do…
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So Far Away
How long have I loved you? I don’t even know It crept in uninvited A painful realization You are so far away In heart In mind In physics distance I can never tell you the truth It would be a betrayal Like so many have done to you You deserve to have people care about…
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I did this to myself
I know you won’t see this The way you see the pain in my eyes I hate the way you read me Read between the lines But you’ll never know the depth The pool in which I am drowning You play by my rules Stay behind the walls I built We laugh at our brokenness…
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🖤
I sit in the silent screaming of my heart It’s to quiet and too loud in here I want to say so much To just get the words out Soft words Beautiful words They don’t come Don’t surface though the muddled mess of my mind What stage of grief is this Bargaining with nothing to…
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The real world
I lay in my quiet solitude The weight of real life presses in This room feels so much smaller This bed so much more empty This ache unanswered Time creeps so slow When just yesterday it flew past At break neck speed I just want to go back To the smell of salt in the…
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Silk and Satin
Your silky dress flows like honey over your curves Milky skin Golden hair, gives you a halo in the sun. Your deep blue eyes look deep into my aching soul Soft touch Smell of lavender lingers between us. Your warm embrace sends chills down my spin Safe place Tangled up in silk and satin and…
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Ocean Time
The sun rises and sets on your smile Hinges on your good morning Floats away on your goodnight lips The warmth in your laugh ignites the fire behind your eyes. The fog of the morning can not dim your brightness The music of the waves echos the beat of my heart As we settle into…
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Beach House
Singing along to our favorite songs Long drive My hand in yours Falling asleep with my head on your lap Heavy breathing Hand in my hair You make me watch scary movies Holding close Hand over my eyes Late night conversations under the stars Waves crash Hands around me I could stay here with you…
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Conflicting Thoughts
Why can’t things just be easy? I know it’s me. I’m in my head too much. You’re not doing anything wrong. I told you this is what I wanted. Then why does it hurt so much? I can’t keep you. I want you to be happy. But it still claws at me. You fed the…
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At Least My Eyes are Pretty
Told I was too thin From a young age It always bothered me It bothered me more When they stopped saying it I must not be thin anymore It’s what they don’t say That tells me what they think So I lose the weight Now it’s too thin again But at no point Am I…
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Please No
I don’t know how to face this This faceless monster I don’t know how to lose you To lose all you are When I only just got you back Now you may leave To a place that I can’t go I can’t protect you Can’t heal you Can’t save you
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Where are we going?
Unexpected long drive To a place I have been before When the world was crashing around me Now, standing in the aftermath A new life begins You built the fire That warms my soul Your words stoke it to life Your touch radiates it’s warmth Will this be the night We look back on and…
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Number Two
How does it feel? How does it feel to know you will always be second best The after thought The understudy. How does it feel to know you weren’t wanted Only used Only an outlet. How does it feel to know you will never be enough Only willing Only available. How does it feel to…
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Spider
You must be exhausted It has to be hard to keep up To keep up with all of your lies This web that you have woven Has it ensnared you yet? Do you even know your truth? It must be so lonely Living in all of your secrets Where no one else really knows you…
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I Just Think It’s Funny
You read my late night musing When you can’t sleep Kept awake by your own demons Think to yourself, I bet it’s about me The ego, the narcissism To still believe I ever think of you I promise you You have no idea what you are reading That’s the beauty of self expression It can…
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I have Heard it Said
I have heard it said That people come into your life So you can show them How to be loved And they can show you How to love yourself Well I have done that Shown others how to be loved And shown only how to love myself In return When will it be my turn…
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You’re not forever
Wrapped in your arms I know you’re not forever But in this moment Time stands still Moment to moment I live Pretend the future isn’t real If I asked, would you be mine Promise a forever you can’t give I know we could never be But it’s fun pretending As we drift to sleep In…
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Never Again
Missing what I tell myself I don’t want What I’ll never allow myself again I don’t need it I don’t need I know it’s a lie The deepest parts of me know What my heart will always long for I can’t risk it I can’t risk I know it will hurt Maybe one day I’ll…
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Time
It has been 100 years, and no time at all since we moved here. I’m not sure which is worse But I know neither is better. I want time to move faster, to get out of the way. While not moving at all so I can take in the precious good moments But also to…
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Cut and Paste People
They all look different on the outside but every one the same. The same swirling mind unhealthy thoughts damaged by life. By life that wasn’t kind is it ever we all carry wounds. Carry wounds with us bleeding on eachother looking for a healer. A healer to mend us to cure us when we can…
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You Make Me Happy
Basking in the warmth of your glow Taking in all that you are Creative, caring, strong A beautiful mind With deep thoughts And deeper compassion There are no limits To what you can accomplish Smart, assertive, talented I am so glad I found you again After all of these years
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Weekend Nights
Have I ever been truly loved By a hand that has touched me Build up my walls even taller Now the hands can’t hurt me Use my body for my own pleasure So the hand don’t matter to me I will do what I want, who I want whenever I want. No one owns me
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Illustrationist
When the smoke and mirrors Finally clear All that is left are the lies Talking to the others Same monster Bound by similar ties Laughing at the threats No regrets Just more childish cries We sit back in our safety Sister community As all compassion dies
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Finally Free
No longer do I carry the weight of other peoples beliefs or expectations. I have never felt so light. So free. So myself. I didn’t even know who that was for all these years. But she is fun, and bold, and exactly who she is supposed to be. No longer will I shrink myself to…
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Voice in My Head
The voice in my head Points out every flaw Every line colored out of the norm Every pound gained And lost Veiled behind a sheer compliment Or screamed at the mirror That I have always been I replaced your voice With my own It loves me in a way you never did Never could Years…
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I miss you
I struggle to say I miss you. Because I don’t not really anyway. I miss the version of you, that I created in my head. The person I wanted you to be. But never were. That’s on me.
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Band Aid
This is only temporary I know This band aid this thing to kill the pain stop the bleeding numb the lonlyness But it can’t last forever and man, is it going to hurt when its over
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Asking for to much
I want a love That makes my heart feel As good as That first warm ray of sun Feels on my skin After a long Cold winter
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Overachiever
I have always been good at having bad timing I know just when to say the wrong thing I can perfectly misguide my anger and misplace my pain I am an overqualified over thinker I have mastered not learning my lesson I can intellectualize my feelings and feel assumptions My potential for greatness unmatched when…
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Prone To Wonder
As night brightens to day I find myself stuck in the middle neither here, nor there not lost not found Trapped someplace between the mornings promises and the nights rest Freefalling like a feather
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Field of Death
Tip toeing through a field of landmines, a garden of carelessly planted death, some left by others, years ago, many placed by us, unknowingly. This field of destruction, of our own making is our home now. Beautiful clear safety just on the other side of no mans land. Will it be our ruin to get…
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I’ll be Fine
I’ll be fine We all tell ourselves We say it back and forth I’ll be ok It’s an admission of pain But a denial of suffering It’ll be alright We stumble over the right words The pretty words It’ll all work itself out We are all just placaters Afraid to deal with the truth I…
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Longing
Longing to cry but my eyes are like dry wells remembering when they could pool and puddle but now hold nothing Longing to feel but my chest is an empty cave hallow and barren as an empty grave wishing even for death Longing to reach out but my hands feel only nothingness haunted by what…
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Hekell and Jyde
The smell of you lingers on my skin. The rush of endorphins I get from that smell, matched only by your touch. The familiar smell washes over me. A rush of anger mixed terror floods my body as I remember your touch. The depths of your eyes. Dark and sad. The beauty to much to…
Evermore 